Escalator
by Mullet-Revolution
Summary: Hitomi, trapped in Gaea, the supermall, attempts to bring peace between the warring sections of the mall by summoning the awesome power of Esca-lator! From Zears to the Foodnelia Court, will malls ever be safe again!? (*Chapter 4 up!!!*)
1. Uncooked Meat

Authors notes: This is a mix between the series and the movie, the best of both worlds. At the mall, all we do is play on escalators. Badum!

Disclaimer: What do you think?

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The Zaibach-year Blimp floated lazily above Zears in the afternoon sun. The parking lot was full, and there appeared to be no sign of the vile citizens of the Foodnelia Court about. The two guards stationed on the blimp, adorned in their casual blue armor and khaki pants, fanned themselves in the heat. They suspected nothing. Those fools.

There was a sudden sizzling sound filled the air. The guards looked at one another in concern.

"What the hell…" questioned Guard A, looking at his comrade. Before Guard B could reply a sudden SPLAT filled the air. Fear raising in their throats, the guards looked down at an uncooked hamburger patty which had hit a few feet from them.

"It's the Foodnelian's, and their using UNCOOKED MEAT!" screamed Guard B, cowering in fear.

"I knew it all along, this means WAR!" cried Guard A, pulling out his ten speed drill.

However, they were not prepared as a second patty came whizzing through the hair smacking Guard B in the head knocking off balance. 

"I regret nothingggggggg!!" he screamed as he fell off the blimp towards the asphalt where certain death was waiting with a garbage bag. 

Guard A looked up to the sky in time to see a young boy plummeting towards him! With a battle cry, the boy raised his spatula for the fatal blow, missed, and bounced off the blimp, splattering onto the pavement below.

Oops….uh, don't worry kiddies, that was only Zongi! The young lad reverts back to Zongi form, everyone was relieved.

Focusing the camera back on the blimp, we see Van standing there in a red and white striped shirt and white pants, holding his battle spatula bravely. 

Guard A quickly looked around for an outlet for his drill, conveniently forgetting he was in a blimp, but was too late. Van pulled out his serving spoon and thrust it into the guards chest, blood gushing over his hand. With a gurgle, the guard fell, motionless.

"You foolish Zears and your reliance upon electricity! Hahaha!" Van stooped and pulled the guards heart out, whistling, and then pocketed the warm still-beating heart. "Ah, the mystery of hot dogs solved," he smirked. While he was at it he yanked out any other possibly edible organs. Van whirled and stood before a box that seemed to hum with an immense power. Opening it cautiously, he pulled out a thin silver Key.

In the center of the mall, a powerful combination of magic and machinery, and on top of that, convenience, began to hum with newfound life!

"This is it…the legendary **Key of Esca-lator**!" squealed Van triumphantly.

The monks of the food court, making pretzels, burst into chant.

_(Eeeessca –a –latooooorr!_

_Eeeeeesca-a-latooooor!)_

**ESCALATOR!**

The Fanfiction

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eheeeheeeheee. We were high (not literally) and bored while waiting for Anne's senior photos. We probably can't watch movies for awhile, that seems to cause us to make up more ideas… -_-; We have nine ideas/stories/parodys in the works. Tell us what you think!! :D


	2. The Rat Slaying Rite

Eheeheeeehee. We just watched some Escaflowne movie in English, bwhahhaha! ((falls over from chairs laughing too hard)). It did however give us ideas of what to write, you lucky people you. We want to thank Michelle for thinking of the title for Fried, it's great! We've done some interesting things to your beloved characters, be warned, BE WARNED!

The start is actually based off of us in the car, however Numair isn't stupid enough to challenge my music choice (that cause Anne can drive, Numair can't; Anne has good road rage, Numair knows to fear it). Yeah…. So, go read! Be free!!

Disclaimer: Did you read the first one? I doubt we got rights between chapters…

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"C'mon Hitomi! Don't change the station!" Yukari whined, leaning over and turning the dial once again.

"_If I get cut off one more time I'm gonna stick it up their as—_"

"Hey Hitomi," Yukari piped before Hitomi's road rage could get this fic above a pg-13 rating, "where should we go now?" 

"For starters, we'll put the station _back where it was!_" screamed our distressed heroine.

"But Hitomi," whined Yukari, "Radio Disney is so _hip!_"

Hitomi glared at her friend, wondering what she saw in her. "The End."

"Radio Disney!"

"The End."

"Radio Disney!"

"The End."

"Radio Disney!"

"The End or_ I'm gonna kick you out of this car right now!_" shrieked Hitomi, her hair standing on its ends.

"Fine," sighed Yukari, slumping in her seat and cursing the day that Hitomi got her drivers license. "But where should we go?"

"_GET OFF MY TAIL_!!!!!!!!" screamed Hitomi, shaking her fist at the car behind her. Suddenly, she got that far-off tone in her voice that only Hitomi can do, "I don't know…" she looked up and saw…… a _billboard_ (talk about anti-dramatic). 

Stopping in the middle of the freeway, Hitomi gazed at the billboard, ignoring honks of annoyance from passerbyers. On the billboard was an image of a man in a heavy black cloak, only his eyes and a few wisps of blue/silver hair visible. In his eyes there was great pain of a horrible past. His hand was outstretched seductively, beckoning all to him. 

The sign read: "Come to Gaea Super-Mall, O Consumer Goddess."

"How about Gaea?" Hitomi suggested mindlessly, starting the car up once more.

"Erm…. Radio Disney!"

"NO!!!!!!!!"

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The parking lot was packed. The stockings were hung, and the children were fast asleep, with sugarplums dancing in their heads…but that's elsewhere. In _this_ part of the world Hitomi was busy screeching at an old woman who had snatched her parking spot at the last second. Once she stepped out of the car, however, she was back to her sweet self. Yukari breathed a sighed of relief.

Giggling in shopping-girl fashion, the two girls locked arms and skipped to the main entrance. Neither noticed the shifting area beside the car, which suddenly materialized into a golf cart. The RatSlayer silently slid out of his seat and lifted the hood of the Suzuki and removed the engine. Plopping back into his seat, he reactivated the stealth cloak and disappeared.

Hitomi and Yukari wandered around in the mall, chatting, window-shopping, shoplifting, and talking about other girlie shit that we, the authors, wouldn't know about.

Hitomi stopped suddenly. "I…I hear…I hear something…"

Over the loudspeaker, a deep sexy voice wafted throughout the mall. "**Come to Zears, O Consumer Goddess. Yes, you tire of expensive engines, of bad cellphone reception, overpriced computer parts, of that section of the mall entirely. Yes, fade away into Zears, guaranteed low prices, everything on saaaaaaaaaaale…**" With that, the sexy voice faded away back to the drone of the many shoppers.

"Hitomi, do you feel all right?"

"I've got to go…"

"What? You've been acting strange lately. Is it your 'time of the month'?"

"I've got to go…"

"The bathroom's right there." Yukari prompted, leading her towards the girl bathroom.

"I meant the store, but okay."

In the bathroom the girls took care of business. While sitting in their stalls, they commenced to talk to each other.

"Hitomi," grunted Yukari, "You've been acting strangely lately, I mean, hitting little old women with your car…"

"I'm always tired," replied Hitomi, getting that far off glazed look she sometimes gets. "All I want to do it sleep, just fade away… into Zears," she said mindlessly.

"If you are tired then you shouldn't be driving," muttered Yukari, flushing the toilet. "I'm worried about you Hitomi… GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Yukari!"

"A _rat_!!!!!!" Yukari screeched, leaping out of the stall, a trail of toilet paper sticking to her foot.

**BOOM!**

The door flew open, mist and light billowing forth. The monk chant burst from nowhere, though the pretzel stand could be seen through the mists faintly. A figure crouched in the doorway, light shining around him.

"I've found you at last!" he hissed, pulling forth his spatula. The rat, fur on end, blood dripping from its previous attack wound, screeched and…

To be continued!

Just kidding! The rat leapt for our hero, who, with his finely honed spatula-man skills, skewered it in the mouth, slicing it in half. It dropped to the floor, dead.

"You saved us!" Yukari said ditzily. 

"Ouyae oolfae! Atthae aswae onlyae ethae econdsae insae ommandcae!" the mysterious boy shouted.

"What!?" Yukari cried, turning to her friend.

"He said that was only the second-in-command! RUN!" Hitomi screamed, ushering her friend into the handicap stall. Shaking in mortal fear, the two huddled together, listening to the sounds of battle.

Suddenly, looking into the toilet, she saw the water swirl, forming an image! In it she saw the valiant young man, battling, when suddenly, the Rat Queen leapt upon him from above, chewing on his hair madly!

"He'll be killed!" gasped Hitomi. She had to do something, but what? "I've got to go!" she cried.

"Oh Hitomi, you just went." Grumbled Yukari.

"Not that!" she said, throwing the door open and jumping out into the battle scene. The boy was fending off the vicious rats. Above, in the ceiling, Hitomi saw evil eyes glinting hungrily. 

"Above you!" she cried out, running forward.

The boy looked up in time to see the Rat Queen leaping from above. Grabbing his trusty spatula, he swatted it into the wall, its tiny head exploded in gore. It slid to the floor, dead. The other rats retreated, plotting revenge.

"Yeah, I've got rat poison where that came from!" cried the boy, shaking his fist. He regarded Hitomi a moment, then scoffed. "Listen girl, you didn't help me defeat the rats, but I'll give you a free meal since you got involved and all."

SLAP!!!!

"You pompous jerk!" Hitomi cried, her eyes getting misty, "I was worried about you! I saw it…in the toilet!"

"Erm…" he stared at her, eyebrow raised, "Maybe you should go lie down instead…"

"Hitomi?" Yukari inquired, emerging from the stall.

The boy sighed with his ever-heavy duty. "Areae uoyae urthae?"

Yukari grimaced and glared at him. "He was speaking English a minute ago…C'mon Hitomi, let's get out of here."

Hitomi stared into the boys reddish eyes, when he turned and began scooping up rat carcasses muttering about hot dogs. Yukari took hold of Hitomi's arm and pulled her out of the bathroom.

Back by the fountain, Hitomi stopped. "Listen, I need to go check something out at Zears, you go ahead and wait by the car."

"Okay." Smiled Yukari, glad she was finally getting out of this crack-whore story. She turned and made her dramatic exit.

Hitomi headed to the southern end of the mall where Zears was located. Tired, she stepped into the elevator, _alone_. Humming along with the elevator theme music, _Shadow of Doubt_, she was caught off when the elevator shuddered and then stopped. 

"Hello?" she called, tapping on the glass walls, trying to make someone below see her.

"**The mall will be closing in five minutes.**" The deep voice echoed.

"NOOOOOOoooooo!!!!" Hitomi shrieked, pounding on the glass with all her might.

Little did she realize it was soundproof glass.

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That was great, nice rat fighting action. We had the ideas for using rats, and while watching the Escaflowne movie (English, har har); Anne got the fight scene idea down. Eheeheee. Good news is that we have all the countries names thought of, bwhahaaahaaa. See you next time folks, remember to read and review! 


	3. The Fall of Foodnelia

Yeah. We burned a CD, it's called, "Mullet Fuel", with such classics as: English Rayearth OP (har har); The Mari Rap; Still Time; Obsession; etc. Great stuff. Yes. 

So, the long awaited (cough cough) Chapter 3 is here *looks around and notices no one around* BAAH!!!!!

Disclaimer: *sticks tongue out* not tellin'!

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Our distressed heroine sat in the elevator, waiting for someone to perhaps notice her stuck up there. It had been several hours, and she had been sitting in the dark for some time now. Considering the scene that she saw earlier, she was afraid of what would happen during the night at this mall. She had a right to be.

"Forty-five bottles of beer on the wall, forty-five bottles of beer.." muttered Hitomi, having gone down from a hundred two times already. Groaning, she decided that her destiny was in her own hands, and she did not want to stick around to find some more rats.

It suddenly came to her like a bolt of lighting, her pendant! It was an heirloom given to her by her grandmother when she was younger. Her grandmother had given it to her for protection. A smile played across her features as she remembered her grandma giving it to her…

_"Haruka," began the old hag sitting on the steps._

_ "Erm… Hitomi.."_

_ "Oh, sorry my child, my mind is slipping. Come to me Hotohori."_

_ "Urrrgggh," grumbled the little Hitomi who usually avoided the old woman. Something about that old woman scared her… perhaps it was the fact that she never remembered her name, or her smell._

_ "Hotaru," started the old woman once more, ignoring the glare from the little girl, "Once when I was little I got lost in mall. So, being as brilliant, and since in those days we had to walk five miles in the snow to get to school, I stole this locket."_

_ "Isn't that a pendant?"_

_ "That's what I said, a locket," snapped the old woman, annoyed with the impertinence of the little whipper-snapper for talking back. "If you ever are in trouble use this locket, it'll help you no matter what. Now go away child, I'm only a bit-actor and thus you will never see me again."_

_ "Oh, too bad," said Hitomi, rolling her eyes._

Hitomi nodded, the old hag had been right. She was in a tight situation, and the pendant would help her. Reaching back she unclasped it from behind her and pulled it forward to look at it. The pink pendant swung with time, seeming to produce its own light in the dark atmosphere. It was mystical, and filled with much magic. Thus, she used it to… pick the lock.

The elevator shuddered and the doors slowly opened. 

"Freedom, horrible horrible freedom!" yelled Hitomi, running out of the elevator and kissing the ground. 

Once she stopped her make-out session with the floor, she looked up to notice that the lights had come on above her. Standing up, the lights throughout the mall slowly turned on, reaching the far ends of the mall. Strangely enough, the mall began to return to life, without the clutter of the customers. 

A portable pretzel stand, carried by men dressed as monks with paper hats and aprons, marched by her, setting up near the fountain. What appeared to be a female wolf humanoid appeared from the carpet store and began to air out the carpets, muttering about the stench of human.

"Okaaaaaaay…" Hitomi said nervously, hurrying away towards the northern end of the mall. On the way, she spotted what appeared to be a pornography shop. Within the shop, an old man, his beard touching the floor, was reading an obscene magazine, his eyes lifted and scanned her hungrily.

"Eeew…old lech…" she hurried on. Beside the porno, was a children's toy store. Inside, a tiny blond boy with blue eyes had set up a mini war; Barbie versus G.I Joe. Fighting wasn't the only thing those toys were doing. Across the way was a tuxedo shop, a tall swarthy fellow in a tuxedo and holding a cocktail turned and smiled at her.

"Ah, welcome back. In our previous chapter, Mary Sue had prevailed in bringing Dilandau to the good side of…"

Hitomi hurried on.

"Van-Samaaaaaaaa!" came a high-pitched voice. Hitomi turned to see a humanoid cat-girl running towards a figure that was holding a dead rat before him proudly.

The boy from earlier turned and saw her, rolling his eyes. "Oh, it's you. What are you doing here, Gaea is closed!" he demanded, approaching her warily.

"It's not by choice," Hitomi growled, "I got stuck in the elevator."

The dark-haired boy sighed, "Fine, since you're here, I guess I'll give you your free meal." Well, she was kind of hungry, she realized suddenly.

"Van-sama," the cat-girl hissed warningly, "who is she?"

"Some girl, from the Outside obviously. I mean, look at her clothes." The boy replied haughtily.

"Look who's talking…" grumbled the teen girl, looking over his striped shirt and white pants, topped off with a paper hat.

"Van-sama," a husky voice suddenly interrupted. Turning, she saw a tall muscular man, covered in battle scars, leaning on a mop, dressed as a janitor.

The boy, obviously named Van, stiffened with pride and held the Rat forth, a sudden air of dignity radiating from his lanky form.

"I, Van Slanzar de Fanel, have succeeded in the Rite of the Rat Slaying! Here is my proof! The corpse of the Rat Queen!" he cried.

A sudden cheer rose from the citizens of Foodnelia. They had a new Manager! There was, at last, hope in their future.

"Van-sama, who is this?" Balgus inquired, gesturing to Hitomi.

"I dunno, but I owe her a free meal. She says she got locked in the elevator when Gaea closed."

"Hi, I'm Hitomi Kanzaki," she said hesitantly, offering her hand to the battle scarred man.

"From the Outside!" he exclaimed, looking at her clothes. "Lady Hitomi, we will do all in our power to return you to your world!"

"Oh, thank you!" she gushed, relieved that there would be a way out of this hell-hole.

With a grunt, Van turned and, with his cat-girl clinging to him like a leech, walked into the crowd that had formed.

Just outside the Foodnelia Court, a gathering of golf carts sat in wait. A red lawn mower quickly pulled up at the speed of three miles per hour.

"So, that's the vile Foodnelia Court," sighed the rider of the red lawn mower, playing with a lighter.

"Yes Lord Dilandau."

"Did I give you permission to speak!?" snarled the albino, a fist shooting out and punching the RatSlayer. 

"I am sorry for my disloyalty, Dilandau-sama."

"So, this back-wash sorry excuse for a section of the mall has a new Manager. We should give them a welcoming present for him tonight, at perhaps eleven o'clock sharp," said the albino, ignoring the Foodnelian citizen who walked past the huddled group of carts, ignoring them in turn.

"Yes Lord Dilandau-sama!"

"What?"

"Sorry sir!"

"Pick one and stick with it!"

With that the group switched on their stealth cloak forms and vanished to wait for ten minutes.

"Van-sama! You don't flip aggressively enough!" scolded Balgus, watching Van flipping the hamburgers.

"Any harder Balgus and they'll fall off the grill!" snapped the youth, obviously annoyed. Sighing once more, he flipped the burger, which fell off the grill. "See, see!"

"Well, if I can make a suggestion Van-sama…"

"ARGH! You're a janitor! What do you know!?"  
"I served your Father when he flipped burgers, and your brother…"

"Please Balgus, don't mention him," sniffed Van, turning away, hurt. There was an uneasy silence between the two as Van proceeded to flip hamburgers, the soft sizzle of hamburger meat echoing throughout the Foodnelia Court.

Hitomi sat and watched the exchange with curiosity; perhaps she would never understand what drives these people to live their lives like this. However, she concluded, while in Rome do as the Roman's do.

"Here."

Looking up she noticed Van sitting down across from her, a hamburger having been placed in front of her.

"Thank you…" she replied, looking down at the burger. It _looked_ okay… perhaps she should eat it… the boy was looking at her with such love and hope.

"Come on, what do you think?" grinned Van, prompting her forward with his hands. Hitomi gulped and looked down at the hamburger, then looked back at Van.

"Aren't you awfully young to be Manager?"

"My Father was Manager, however he died in a horrible accident when I was only five years old…" Van started then turned away, hurt once more.

"What happened?" the concerned filled teenage girl asked, reaching her hand out to comfort Van.

"Caught in the grease trap, it took Balgus a week to get the whole thing out of there," whispered the teen, reliving the horrible experience once more. "My brother would have been Manager, however during Rite of RatSlaying he vanished. My Mom died soon after…"

A frown appeared on Hitomi's face, feeling sorry for the rude youth, "What happened? Sorrow, regret?" she said, about to take a bite of the hamburger.

"E-coli," he gasped, face in his hands. 

Hitomi stopped immediately and looked down at the hamburger. She took the chance while Van was still having his grief session to chuck the hamburger over her shoulder, hitting a citizen in the face and knocking him over. 

"So, what do you think?" Van asked, brightening up with a grin on his face. Hope shined in his eyes.

"Mmmmm," Hitomi said, rubbing her stomach, a big fake grin on her face as she chewed air.

A big grin appeared on his face as he burst out laughing, "Yay! I did for once!"

Hitomi only nodded and smiled, wondering what she had just done.

At the gates of the Foodnelia Court two guards were stationed, watching for any sign of something suspicious. 

"So then I started hitting on the girl who worked at the Chinese stand, but her Mom found us," sighed Guard D, rolling his eyes while leaning against his broom.

Guard E laughed. "Well, I guess it wasn't your day…Did you hear that?"

"That ominous buzzing sound that keeps getting closer? Nah."

"I don't know…it keeps getting louder…"

"Maybe the Manager's trying a new recipe?"

"Doesn't sound like grilling…"

A sudden evil laughter filled the air.

"Hmm, maybe we should tell Balgus…"

"That is what he pays us for…" they pondered, neither of them moving.

Bee-Beep!

THA-THUMP!

Guard D looked down in horror as his companion was flattened by an unseen force. "That can't be good…" he mused.

THA-THUMP!

"Attack!! Attack! Zears is attacking!!!"

Everyone froze in horror as Guard F came running towards them, his shirt torn and bloody from the recent attack.

"Everyone, to your battle stations!" screamed the new Manager, running forth to fetch his trusty spatula.

Everyone stood there frozen, looking at Van blankly. 

"Balgus, come here," Van said sweetly, trying to suppress his anger. 

"Yes Van-sama," chuckled Balgus, leaning against his mop.

"I thought we went over these procedures…." Whispered the youth, fury boiling up in his eyes.

"… when your Father was alive…"

"Oh shit…"

Screams filled the air as people were being flattened. People finally got the idea to try to fight back and grabbed the brooms, spoons, forks, chopsticks, whatever they could find. They were ready to die fighting for their section of the mall, to protect the new Manager. 

"Hurry, try to put out the flames!" yelled Merle, dumping another smoothie on-top of the burning sushi stand, cooking the fish. Evil laughter filled the air once more as the unseen red lawn mower plowed down another person.

"Burn, burrrrrrrrn!!" cried the albino in ecstasy, using his built in flamethrower to set the surrounding aflame. 

Guard F, brandishing a plastic knife and a napkin as a shield, fought bravely against air. "These bastards fight without honor! They attack from behind!" he cried as he watched Guard G was plowed over. 

"Behind you Guard F!"

It was too late, and the valiant guard was hit from behind.

THA-THUMP!

Bee-Beep.

Balgus and Van fought side-by-side, mop and spatula, swatting at air randomly, hoping to end their attackers lives.

"To your left!" screeched Hitomi, pointing.

Van swatted to the right.

"I said left!"

"But you pointed right!"

"I said left!"

"Your left or mine?"

"I'm behind you!"

"Then what good does pointing do!?" he snarled sarcastically, turning back to the fray.

"You can see the unseen!" Balgus exclaimed, impressed.

"You can see their wheels!" Hitomi cried, exasperated.

"I don't see them…" Van muttered as a set of small wheels went right by them.

Bee-Beep.

Van looked around in horror, his eyes wide. Foodnelia was burning! The sprinklers weren't coming on! Rage enveloped him, and he lunged, his spatula attacking anyone in range, including Balgus. The battle scarred man fell, injured, then turned over to Van who had stopped, realizing what he had just done.

"BALGUS!"

"Van-sama! Take the Lady Hitomi to the legendary Escalator, and flee to the second level!" gasped Balgus, blood spewing from his mouth. 

"I can't Balgus!" cried Van, his lanky form shaking with fear and guilt. 

"As long as Foodnelia has a Manager, it has a future! Now go! Hurry!" screamed the downed warrior, looking at Van with hope in his eyes.

Van hesitated, then grabbed Hitomi and ran towards the exit. 

"No, nooo!" cried Hitomi, unable to comprehend what had just happened.

"We must escape! Come girl!"

The two dodged out of the exit, jumping over Guard D and E's bodies, towards the escalator. Once they had finally reached it, Van stood in awe of the mighty Escalator.

"It's an Escalator, Van, snap outta it." Hitomi said flatly, snapping her fingers by his head.

"Just as the ancient napkins said!" gasped Van. Getting hold of himself, he cut his thumb with the spatula and wiped it against the rat's fur. Pulling out the thin key, he opened a small door and plunged the key in. A small opening appeared, and he plunged the rat in with a sickening sound.

"Come girl!" Van yelled as the Escalator came to life, the steps sliding up slowly. The two leapt on and began their slow ascent.

"BALGUS!" screeched Van, looking back.

"Van-sama…return and rebuild Foodnelia Court…" whispered the warrior. Grabbing his broken mop, he struggled to his feet and faced the oncoming lawn mower, now visible.

"AAAAAHHH!" the worn warrior cried, lunging at the monstrous mower.

THA-THUMP—GAGAGAGAGAGAGA…

The proud warrior was caught in the blades of the lawn mower. Balgus was defeated.

"BALGUS!!!" Van cried, falling to his knees, grief overwhelming.

The cat-girl, gathered amongst other survivors as golf carts circled them menacingly, watched them ascend slowly out of sight.

"Vaaaaan-samaaaaaaaaaaaa!" she wailed as the sprinklers came on.

The Foodnelia Court had burned to the ground.

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*stares blankly at story* … yeah….. read and review… if you're still there…..


	4. Enter GAP

Grief overwhelmed Van as he fell to his knees, tears poured down his cheeks and fell to the Escalator's steps. Hitomi bit her lip uncertainly trying to think of something to comfort him in his period of grief.

"Van… it will be okay…" she began, trying to comfort him, a small smile tugging on the corners of her lips.

Van glared up at her, his left eye twitching. Hitomi decided it wasn't working and shut up. Glancing over her shoulder she saw the Foodnelia Court still aflame, the citizens still being circled, no other action being taken. 

Suddenly, the Escalator started to shudder. Van's eyes widened as he pulled himself to his feet, glancing around nervously.

"Escalator! What's wrong!?" yelped Van, fear overcoming him.

Finally, the mighty Escalator let out one more violent shudder and stopped leaving them trapped in-between levels. Van's mouth opened in shock and horror, then he turned on Hitomi.

"We could just walk up," Hitomi suggested, taking a step forward.

"You…" hissed Van in a deadly tone, turning to her slowly. "You _broke_ it! You weigh too much!"

SLAP!!!

Van's head jerked to the side as a red mark slowly appeared on his sexy face. Van's eyes were wide in shock; he was speechless.

"You jerk!" she snapped and began walking the rest of the way up to the second floor. Van gasped in horror and began shifting about on his one step.

"You! How are you doing that! Come back here! If you truly broke Legendary Escalator I will kill you!" he cried, brandishing his spatula and dancing about on his step, desperately trying to figure out a way to catch up to Hitomi.

Hitomi rolled her eyes and walked up the rest of the way.

Looking about the second level, she saw many of the clothing stores she recognized. This part of the mall looked a lot nicer, maybe the people here would be semi-sane? Seeing a bench, she began to walk over, ignoring Van's frantic cries of distress and anger.

"My feet are killing me," Hitomi muttered, removing her shoes and rubbing her feet. 

"Shine your shoes for you miss?" a creepy voice said beside her. Hitomi looked over and saw…and saw…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

The mole-man jerked back, startled. Hitomi stared at him in horror.

"You Mole-man! I've warned you about harassing our customers!" an angelic voice declared. Hitomi turned and saw a silhouette against the neon lights, hair blowing in the air-conditioned breeze.

"Ah! A-Allen! I was just offering the young lady…!" the mole-man stuttered, jumping to his feet and backing towards the handrail.

"Take your punishment!" the figure, Allen, cried running forward and punching the mole-man square in the jaw, sending him over the rail. A faint splash could be heard as the old beast-man fell into the fountain below.

"Are you all right?" questioned Allen. He was tall, with long blonde tresses cascading down his back over his blue tee shirt.

There was a pause as Hitomi stared at the handsome man, until she heard Van, still 'trapped' on the Escalator call out suspiciously, "Hitomi? Hello?"

"I'm sorry about that man, Miss. May I give you a discount as compensation?"

A sudden cry of anger and Van sprinted up the Escalator and dashed between Hitomi and Allen, his hand straying towards his spatula handle.

"Touch this girl," he hissed, eyes narrowed, "and I swear I will kill you!"

"You were just about to kill _me_…" Hitomi added flatly. Van ignored her, never taking his eyes off Allen. 

"But Van…" Hitomi began protesting.

"Quiet Hitomi!" Van commanded, whirling about and striking her in the face by accident, knocking her out with his deadly spatula. "Hitomi!" He shifted around, standing over her protectively. "What have you done to her!?"

"Careful, if you raise your spatula to me, I may have to fight you." Allen said calmly, warning lining his voice.

Van raised his spatula, ready to attack.

"That was foolish of you." Allen hissed, preparing himself for battle.

Van charged at his opponent, eyes filled with bloodlust and grief. Allen reached behind and drew his weapon…

BONK!

Still five feet away, Van crumpled to the floor, unconscious, struck by the long shaft of a reaching pole.

"I warned you. Be glad I used the blunt end, I don't want to kill you, but you left me no choice." 

Allen strutted over to where the crumpled Van and unconscious Hitomi lay. Bending down, whistling, he removed the spatula from Van's hand to prevent the youth from causing more harm. Straightening up Allen's eyes narrowed as he saw the Crest of Foodnelia engraved upon the spatula.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Soft, warm, so comfortable…she didn't want to wake up. Something soft and heavy had been drawn up over her…faint music was playing far away. Ah, she was sleeping.

It had all been a dream. A horrible horrible nightmare. But she had dreamt up the youth, the burning of Foodnelia, all of it. 

What a relief.

She stirred slightly, wrapping the warmth about her closer, trying to preserve that warmth.

"I think she's coming to." 

Hitomi froze, that sounded like Yukari! Weird…

"Yukari, what are you doing in my bedroom…?" Hitomi muttered, burying her face further into the warm sheets.

"Who's Yukari? And if you're feeling better, would you please get off our polar fleece display?"

Hitomi's eyes snapped open in sudden horror. No! She sat up slowly, watching in disappointment as the sweatshirts and vests –not sheets- fell away. She was lying on a table, a large 'Sale!' sign hanging above her. Looking up, she saw a girl about her age with curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was wearing a light pink button-up shirt and a black skirt with tights and high-heels.

"Oh, I've got it! This is still a dream," Hitomi squeaked, her voice going an octave higher, "I'm dreaming, that's it! There's no way this is happening--!"

Millerna swiftly reached into her fanny pack and sprayed something into Hitomi's eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! _My eyes! It BURNS!!!_" shrieked Hitomi, rubbing her eyes furiously.

"Then it's not a dream, is it?" Millerna smiled cunningly.

"Owww…" she whimpered, glaring at Millerna with bloodshot and teary eyes. "What was that!?"

"Perfume."

"Ah, she's awake," said an angelic voice.

The radio station switched to Backstreet Boy's "I Want it That Way" as Hitomi looked up to see Allen walking out from the dressing room, a smug smile on his face. 

"How are you feeling, O Consumer Goddess?"

"Huh?" Hitomi said flatly.

"You must be the legendary Goddess that will save the mall, we have been waiting for you." Allen smiled.

"She's not the Consumer Goddess you fool!" a familiar teenage voice rasped. Van strode into the room, dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a white skin-tight tee shirt with a GAP logo on his left breast. And he did not look pleased about it. "And who changed me!?"

"Don't worry," Allen replied, grinning, "it's on the house."

"You did it and you enjoyed every minute of it…" muttered Van. Tension filled the shop as the other employees stopped to watch the small group.

Allen shrugged, his poodle sitting beside him proudly. "So, what would the Manager of the Foodnelia Court be doing up in Aus'kosh Bigoshturia, let alone the second level?" the employee of the month inquired, holding up Van's spatula and showing the shining Crest of Foodnelia.

"Foodnelia was burned down by Zears!" Van exclaimed angrily, vengeance burning in his red eyes. 

"I know, we watched the whole thing," 

Hitomi had to restrain Van.

"Besides," Allen continued, holding up Van's spatula and showing the shining Crest of Foodnelia, "why would the Manager of the Foodnelia Court lie?"

"Will you give me that!" Van snarled, jumping up and snatching his spatula back. "Come on Hitomi!"

"The Consumer Goddess shall stay with us," Allen stated, warning lining his voice once more.

"She's not the Consumer Goddess! And even if she was, she's going with me!"

"She must stay with us!"

"Don't listen to him Hitomi, he works at _GAP_!" Van sneered.

"What are you implying!?" Allen demanded, his little poodle growling at Van.

"Guys, I'm not some product…" Hitomi interjected angrily.

The two ignored her, glaring at each other. Van turned, aristocratic nose in the air, grabbed Hitomi's wrist, and began to walk away. 

"Van, I cannot let you leave! You will have to go through me!" Allen declared, brandishing a shirt hanger.

"Oh for the love of…" Van rolled his eyes. But he was not one to turn down a challenge and, drawing his spatula, turned to face Allen.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Ratslayers stood in line as their leader paced in front of them in the storage unit behind Zears. Dilandau glowered at them angrily with his red eyes, twitching in time. 

"And how did the Foodnelians escape?" he hissed, tapping his foot on the ground while stopping in front of Chesta.

"A few jumped over and most darted between the golfmelefs, sir." The Ratslayer coward, preparing himself for the blow that would shortly come. 

"And how many melefs were damaged?"

"Number three got an inch long scratch on the front hood sir."

Dilandau's fist made firm contact with Chesta jaw. The Ratslayer fell to the floor sobbing.

"Anything else I should know?" Dilandau sighed with his ever-present duty. The Ratslayers looked at one another, prompting another to speak up. Dalet swallowed and stepped forward. 

"We managed to gain another engine from one of the shopper's vehicles today, sir."

"Really?" the albino said as two other Ratslayers brought the engine forth. Dilandau smiled and began to examine it, brows furrowing as he took in every detail.

"What is it?" Dilandau inquired, facing Dalet.

"It's a Suzuki, sir."

SLAP!

"We want Dodge!" shouted Dilandau as the Ratslayer fell to the floor, weeping beside Chesta.

"Dilandau," a deep sexy voice said from the shadows, "I sense the Rat in the outskirts of Aus'kosh Bigoshturia, in GAP, and he has the Consumer Goddess."

Dilandau started, clutching his heart. "Folken," he growled, "don't appear out of the shadows!"

"Then get better lighting."

Dilandau ignored him. "Ratslayers! To the Golfmelefs! Let's go hunt some Rat!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

17/12/2002: Whoa, it's been awhile since we updated this one. We decided to update this one since it was fun to write, ha. Hahaha. Umm… if you look closely at one of the earlier episodes you'll notice a Dragonslayer crying on the floor after Dilandau bitch-slaps him, so we were justified in our actions. Be sure to review, because we are lonely, and more reviews equal more updates (… or should we not say that…?).

Oh yes, Numair is a Dilly.

Disclaimer: Do not own Escaflowne or any of the other stores that made their unfortunate way into this fic. So there. 


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